What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 06:38
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When she asked me how she looked .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So, i spoilt her more .
I couldn’t, believe it.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Would this be the day?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
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Who then, do I blame.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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But it wasn’t much.
She found it foreign!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
She loved him until the end.
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I will be 64.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She wouldn,t have been !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But, we were locked up after school.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was very sick at this time too.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
It was going to be , some day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was seconnd youngest,
Was to survive, this bastard.
She married twice! .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So whats the point in blame.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My life is so biszare .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
She was in good health!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Put me off passion for life!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were not on the streets..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im still living with it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
All the time i was locked up.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ive learnt so much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
I said to her
I think the readers, may guess!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He knew the spot.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot live in the past .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.